4 years ago
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David Rose is the best thing that has ever happened to this planet, and you can't prove me wrong.
David Rose from Schitt's Creek is a pansexual and style icon. The number of quotable quotes this character has blessed planet Earth with is not practically quantifiable. Here are the best 76 of them.
CBC
5. "Funky is a neon T-shirt you buy at an airport gift shop next to a bejeweled iPhone case. This is luxury."
6. "It’s just one long string of really bad luck, and I don’t know what kind of carnage I inflicted in my past life to deserve it. I must have been Dracula or a spin instructor or something."
CBC
8. "There's a collection of undershirts hang-drying outside of my room. Is there any way they could be removed? Or is there like, a Texas Chainsaw movie being filmed out there that I'm not aware of?"
CBC
Author's note: Same bestie, same.
9. "Like Beyoncé, I excel as a solo artist."
CBC
11. "The idea of me life coaching another human being should scare you…a lot."
CBC
13. "That’s a real quick no."
16. "I would hardly call myself an expert on this subject, and by subject, I mean genuine human emotion, so I am just going to tell you what I know."
19. "I have never heard someone say so many wrong things, one after the other, consecutively, in a row."
21. "I was perfectly fine not trusting people. Not trusting people is what I’m used to. It is my comfort zone."
Author's note: mine too
23. "I don't love the way you phrased that."
24. "I want people to know I am not a joke."
CBC
26. "OK, well, movies aren’t always right, all right? You’ll learn that later in life."
27. "I haven’t bedazzled anything since I was 22."
CBC
28. "Ok, this is passive harassment."
29. "Come in, come in. Make yourself at home. There’s nothing in the fridge, and I marked the booze, so I’ll know if you touch it!"
31. "You smell very flammable right now."
CBC
32. "Would we not agree that all words are weapons?"
33. "You just watch a season of Girls and do the opposite of what they do."
CBC
34. "I thought I was being mature, but in actuality, it was just a classic case of self-sabotage."
35. "It smells like pennies and burps."
CBC
36. "What kind of sociopath abandons her family in some vomit-soaked dump to galavant around the world with her dumb, shipping-heir, loser boyfriend she's known for three months?"
CBC
39. "Would half a muffin help?"
40. "I could not be more at one with nature. I do Coachella every year."
CBC
42. "This is a lot of information to process on a Tuesday morning."
45. "Wow, that's bleak. But thank you...for planning that."
47. "I never saw myself living with someone."
CBC
48. "Every inch of that statement made me sick."
49. "Yeah, I just feel like the whole session was rushed. Like, there was no backlighting or emotional direction."
51. "OK, I’m sorry I’m not a condom."
52. "I like the wine, and not the label."
CBC
Author's note: The best ever explanation for multisexuality.
53. "We are literally connected by a door that does not lock. How much more connected do you want to be?"
CBC
55. "I don’t want this job."
CBC
60. "Shame on you for attempting that position at 8 o' clock in the morning."
CBC
62. "Wow, believe it or not, that's one of the warmest welcomes I have received so far."
CBC
63. "We have way too much work to do today for me to feel attacked by way of an imbalanced social dynamic."
64. "I’m sorry, but I know what looks correct. And this situation looks incorrect!"
65. "She sort of fades into the background after a while. You know, like a smoke alarm."
66. "I have asked you thrice now for a towel so I may wash this town off my body."
67. "I am gonna need a stiff drink to get through this."
Author's note: Don't we all?
68. "Don't be a little B!"
CBC
English (US) ·