I Think About These 50 "The Office" Jokes Often — And I Mean Often

4 years ago 6

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"I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake."

As someone who started watching The Office way, way too young — at literally 5 years old (let's not get into it) — there are moments from the show that have lived in my brain forever. And they will never leave. And I love it.

Here are 50 moments from The Office that I think about way too much.

1. When Kelly explains her professional growth in her interview to become the new manager.

Kelly says, Well, I manage my department, and I’ve been doing that for several years now, and, god, I’ve learned a lot of life lessons along the way, Jim says, Your department’s just you, right, and Kelly says, Yes Jim, but I am not easy to manage

2. Tube City.

Jim saying that co-managing is a give and take and he stopped Michael from creating Tube City, and then a shot of a little tube with a hamster coming out

3. When Jim and Dwight throw Kelly a birthday party.

Jim says, What is that and points to a banner that reads, It is your birthday, and Dwight says, It's a statement of fact

4. When everyone unpacks "who vs. whom."

Stanley asks, How did Ryan use it, as an object, Ryan says, As an object and Kelly says, Ryan used me as an object

5. When Creed will not let anyone mess with him after the office is broken into.

Creed says, Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it, the last person to do this disappeared, his name, Creed Bratton

6. When Gabe is smooth as hell.

Toby asks, Do you know her last name yet, Gabe says, Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow, because she's gonna be screaming it tonight, and Toby asks, She's gonna be screaming her own last name

7. When Michael shows his knowledge of food and drink at Phyllis's wedding.

Michael says, "I know a fair amount about fine food and drink," then he sniffs his white wine and says, "This is a white"

8. When Michael plays Jeopardy after hitting Meredith with his car in the parking lot.

Michael says, "Yes, it was on company property, with company property, so, double jeopardy, we are fine," Ryan says, "I don't— I don't think you understand how Jeopardy works," and Michael says, "Oh, right, I'm sorry, what is we're fine"

9. When Kelly discusses death after hearing about Kevin's possible skin cancer diagnosis.

Kelly says, I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died, that was the saddest funeral ever, that and my sister’s

10. When Michael writes a great quote in the Michael Scott Paper Company office.

On a white board, it says, "'You miss 100% of the shots you don't take —Wayne Gretkzy' — Michael Scott"

11. When Creed has some sort of plan with Pam and Michael's old chairs.

Creed says, When Pam gets Michael’s old chair, I get Pam’s old chair, then I’ll have two chairs, only one to go

12. When Jan isn't in a place to chat at David Wallace's party.

Karen says, Hey, Jan, and Jan replies, Not too good

13. When Kelly is furious at Ryan when he returns to Scranton after dumping her.

Ryan says, Do you have a question, Kelly, and Kelly says, Yeah, I have a lot of questions, number one how dare you

14. When Michael eats fettuccine Alfredo right before running a 5K.

Michael says, Time to carbo load and takes a huge bite of his full fettuccine alfredo meal

15. When Creed just wants to scuba.

Creed says, If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about, what am I working toward

16. Michael isn't superstitious.

Michael says, "I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious"

17. When Michael shows Pam and Jim the bench he sleeps on at the foot of the bed because "Jan has some space issues."

Michael is curled up on a tiny bench and Jan says, "See, he fits perfectly"

18. When Michael demonstrates the wonder of the plasma screen TV he finally broke down and bought himself.

Michael says, "Lot of people in the room, you need more space," he pushes the TV inches and says, "Voilà, right into the wall"

19. "I love this TV."

Michael says, "Sometimes I will just stand here and watch television for hours, I love it, I love this TV"

20. When Michael calls Jan his second-best trophy.

Jan says, "It was between the neon beer sign and the Dundies, so I said, honey, keep the trophies," and Michael says, Honey, I have the best trophy right here, aside from my Dundies"

21. When Angela and Andy arrive and Jan says the osso buco needs to braise for three hours, and Pam is like three hours from now or from earlier.

Jan says, "You know Pam, in Spain, they often don't even start eating until midnight," and Michael says, "When in Rome"

22. When Michael has a sip of wine.

Michael says, "That has sort of an oaky afterbirth," and Jim says, "What was that"

23. When Jan dances to her ex-assistant's song, which is 1,000% about her.

Hunter's song's lyrics are, "You took me by the hand, made me a man, that one night (one night), you made everything alright," and Andy goes, "Ah ah ah"

24. When the dinner party gets very tense, so Pam offers to get more wine in the kitchen.

Jan says, "In fact, you know what, girls' trip, Angela, come on, girls' trip"

25. When Michael gives an example of how it's always whatever Jan wants.

Michael says, When I said that I wanted to have kids and you said that you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do, and Jim looks at the camera

26. When Michael says he had three vasectomies because Jan couldn't decide if she wanted kids.

Michael says, "Snip, snap, snip, snap, snip, snap, you have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person"

27. When Michael tells Pam he thinks Jan might be trying to poison him.

Pam says, "I know Jan didn't poison the food, I know that, but, if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table, wouldn't it be me, Michael's former lover"

28. When Michael dips his meat into his wine.

Jan says, "Can you not do that, it's disgusting," Michael says, "You know I have soft teeth, how could you say that," Jan says, "Oops"

29. When Jim learns Dwight's date used to be his babysitter.

Jim says, "Would you write down your email because I have just so many questions," Dwight's babysitter date asks, "Email," and Jim says, "Never mind"

30. When he drives into a lake because he misunderstands the GPS.

Dwight yells, "This is the lake," Michael yells, "The machine knows," Dwight yells, "This is the lake," and Michael yells, "Stop yelling at me"

31. When the Michael Scott Paper Company has the upper hand in a negotiation.

Michael says, "Well, well, well, how the turntables"

32. When Jan tells Michael she's pregnant but Michael isn't the father.

Michael asks, “You cheated on me, when I specifically asked you not to"

33. When he's so over Toby because Toby doesn't want Boy Scouts to come to casino night.

Michael says, "Why are you the way that you are, honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way, I hate so much about the things that you choose to be"

34. When Michael isn't there for the joke, because he fell asleep after eating an entire chicken pot pie for lunch.

Michael says, "What's so funny," Pam says, "You had to be there," and Michael says, "Okay, geography joke!"

35. When Michael wants to seem like an intimidating figure.

Michael says, "I will have the spaghetti with a side salad," the serve says, "Okay," and Michael says, "If the salad is on top, I send it back"

36. When Michael burns his foot on a George Foreman grill.

Michael says, Before bed I lay bacon on my George Foreman grill, I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep, I wake to the smell of crackling bacon, today, I stepped on the grill and it clamped on my foot, I don't see what's so hard to believe

37. When he hypothetically kills Toby.

Michael says, "If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice"

38. When Michael becomes Prison Mike.

Michael says, "The worst thing about prison was the — was the Dementors, they were flying all over the place and they were scary"

39. When he isn't a bad guy.

Michael says, "Guess what, I have flaws, what are they, I dunno I sing in the shower, sometimes I spend too much time volunteering, occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car, sue me, no don't sue me, that's the opposite the point I am trying to make"

40. When Kelly's had an emergency.

Meredith says, I thought you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding, Kelly says, I know, but there was an emergency, and then, in a talking head, she says, I look really good in white

41. When Ryan declared his love for Kelly after she got a great new boyfriend.

Ryan says, I know that I haven't always treated you the way that you, for whatever reason, feel you deserve to be treated

42. When Pam won Whitest Sneakers Dundie.

Pam says, Finally, I want to thank God, because God gave me this Dundie, and I feel God in this Chili's tonight

43. When Michael sets up an online dating profile.

Michael says, "Little kid lover, that way people will know exactly where my priorities are at"

44. When Creed misunderstood what happens with a jinx.

Robert California and Creed both ask, How old, and Creed says, Jinx, buy me some coke

45. When Nellie wanted to be friends with Darryl and get tacos.

Nellie says, For two tacos, we probably need about, what, $20, or, and Darryl looks at her

46. When Kelly explained her pro-cupcake stance.

Kelly says, I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake

47. When Creed kind of created a language when he was manager.

Creed says, Find out what language this is and then makes unintelligible noises

48. When Dwight missed Jim after he moved to Stamford.

Dwight cries, Jim is gone, he's gone, I miss him so much, oh, I cry myself to sleep, Jim then he stops pretending to cry and says, False, I do not miss him

49. When Michael calls Jim by his full name.

Michael says, "Well, to be fair, Jim—James—Jimothy," Jim indicates yes for Jimothy, Michael says, "To be fair, Jimothy, the—that sounds weird, are you okay with being called Jim," and Jim says "I am"

50. When Michael quotes Abraham Lincoln in his diversity video.

Michael says, "Abraham Lincoln once said that 'If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North'"

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